


A slight detour

by JennyAlice



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Dan Howell - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Phil Lester - Fandom, dan howell/phil lester - Fandom
Genre: Adoption, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Parent-Child Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 05:18:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12101577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennyAlice/pseuds/JennyAlice
Summary: After his 29th birthday, Phil does not want to wait any longer. He wants to get married and he wants to start a family - with Dan, of course. But Dan is not ready yet - he feels to young, he is scared of the responsibility. So they make the hardest and most painful decision in their lives, but can this really be the end of Dan and Phil?





	A slight detour

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there!  
> I love fics in which Dan and Phil are parents, but there are not enough for my taste, so I decided to write my own :) It is starting of pretty angsty, and I don't have a full concept yet where the story will go, only a few ideas, but I hope you like it anyways. It will definitely have a happy ending though!  
> English is my second language, and I don't have a beta, so excuse any mistakes I have made. If you want to beta my fic, let me know, I'd appreciate the help!
> 
> You are more than welcome to visit me on tumblr: www.gofurthermyheart.tumblr.com (I post about all kinds of stuff, not only Dan and Phil)
> 
> All chapter titles are songtitles as well:  
> 1- Cut the rope (Charlotte OC)

Dan chuckled quietly while he was scrolling through his Tumblr tag; as usual, at least half of them where in some form or shape about him and Phil and their alleged relationship. It entertained him how creative his audience was when it came to interpret every word, every look between them to mean so much more than it did.  
Well, they weren’t technically wrong, just a bit late.

(A few months before)

Dan and Phil had always been extremely private about their love lives, so nobody knew for certain whether they were more than friends or not. The truth was that for many years, they had been. As cheesy as it may sound, but on the day they had finally met in 2009, they went from being Dan and Phil to becoming danandphil, slowly merging their lives together until they could hardly think of anything they did not share.  
Then Phil turned 29 and their perfect little bubble started showing cracks. Phil had always been a family man, much more so than Dan, and one of his major goals and wishes in life was starting his own family. Dan knew, and although he wasn’t opposed being a dad and husband one day, he felt quite comfortable the way his life was at that time, and saw no reason for changing anything. They had their flat, friends, careers and a secret but loving relationship, what more could a 24-year-old want?

Quite a lot more, it seemed.

A few days after his 29th birthday, Phil came into Dan’s room in the evening with a serious expression on his face. Dan’s heart sunk to his stomach, he was sure Phil had found out about him stealing his new iPhone charger and keeping it, because he had been too lazy to buy a new one himself.

“Dan, we have to talk.” Phil sat down on Dan’s bed.

“Phil, that is the worst thing anyone could say. Normally people break up with each other after that, or at least get into a huge fight.” He tried to make Phil laugh, but it didn’t work.

“I am serious Dan. I have been thinking a lot over the past weeks, months actually.” Phil was staring at him intently, as if he was trying to make Dan understand his thoughts just by looking at him.

“Okay… about what then?” Dan got nervous. This was more than just a phone charger, Phil seemed like he was about to drop the bomb that he was cheating on him or something.

“It’s about us. You know how I feel about family and marriage and all that, and I am 29 now… I don’t want to wait any longer, I want to be married when I am 30, and I want to start thinking about kids. Like, properly thinking about them, not joking what kind of stupid name we could give them.” His tone was calm and collected, as if he had been practising his speech – and to be honest, he probably had.

Dan swallowed hard. He had known this day would come, and he had wished for it to come when he was ready as well, because right now…he wasn’t. He just couldn’t see himself as a husband, let alone a dad this young. It wasn’t even about coming out to the world about their relationship, that would be okay somehow; he just felt too young, to immature to start his own family.

“Phil…” he began and looked at the other man, immediately seeing his face fall. Phil understood, and with just one word, Dan had destroyed his hopes and plans.

“I know how you feel, and I get it, but… I just can’t, not yet. I feel like I am still not really capable of taking care of myself, let alone another human being.” He felt pain rising in his chest. This was the make or break of them, and he wasn’t sure if Phil would be patient anymore. He had been for the past two years, after the topic had come up the first time, and he knew that asking Phil to wait any longer might just be too much.

It seemed like Phil was thinking the same thing. He looked heartbroken.

“Dan… do you think I feel 100% secure myself? I don’t! I just feel like I have reached so many goals in my life, and everything fits right now! We’ve toured the world, it is unlikely that we will do that again in the near future, we are living in a nice apartment, we are financially stable, and most importantly, we have us!” Phil started looking desperate. It was plain to see that this talk didn’t go in the direction he had planned for it to go. “I love you, and I know you love me! There is nobody in the world that knows me better or makes me happier, and I can’t think about sharing all this with anybody else!” Phil’s eyes started glistening with tears that he refused to shed just yet.

Dan could feel his own eyes well up. The thought of not being with Phil anymore opened a black hole in his chest, a void he knew could never be filled by anyone or anything else than his boyfriend. 

“Phil…”, he started again. But Phil didn’t let him finish his sentence; he got up from the bed, crossed the room over to the desk chair Dan was sitting in and kneeled at his feet. He took Dan’s hands in his own and looked up at him, not begging, but pleading.

“Please Dan. Think about this. I can’t bear the thought of you and me separating, but I also can’t ignore my own needs and feelings. I want to get married, and I want to start a family, but I want it with you. So please, don’t say no just like this. Think about it, but don’t let your own insecurities ruin this for us! I know we can do this, and I know that this is nothing you don’t want as well!” The tears in Phil’s eyes now found their way down his cheeks, and Phil crying was one of the few things that made Dan’s heart ache more than he could take.

“Alright, I’ll think about it. I am going to visit my parents.”

Phil nodded, shimmer of hope in his eyes. “Yes, that’s a really good idea. The distance is probably going to be good for us, so you won’t be distracted.” He stopped for a moment. “Actually, I might do the same and visit my parents as well. Let’s say for the weekend? We leave tomorrow and come back on Sunday evening?”

“Yeah, let’s do that”, Dan agreed. Phil seemed pleased with this outcome, obviously hoping for Dan to change his mind during the next few days. Dan couldn’t share the optimism; his fears were rooted quite deeply.

The next morning, after each of them had been making sure their parents were okay with them coming, they packed their overnight bags and took a cab to central station. When they got to the platforms and had to part ways, they said goodbye.

“Take care”, Dan said while hugging Phil tightly and letting go again to place a quick kiss on Phil’s lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too, bear”, Phil said, a sad smile on his face. “See you Sunday”, he added, with eyes that pleaded “Don’t let me down!”

When Dan sat down on his assigned seat and looked out the window he saw a young woman with a stroller and a child. She was about his age, quite pretty, and she was busy wiping the face of her daughter, who had been a bit too enthusiastic while eating her chocolate bar. After the woman was done cleaning the little girl, she smiled at her and said something Dan could not understand through the thick glass windows. The girl started giggling and the woman laughed and picked her up, planting a huge kiss on her cheek. The scene was beautiful, picture perfect. Dan tried to imagine himself in the woman’s position: Him out with a toddler, cuddling and laughing. It should have made him feel warm and fuzzy inside; instead he felt a pang of anxiety and suddenly there didn’t seem to be enough air in the small compartment he was sitting in.

~ . ~

Dan was the first back at their flat. He threw his bag on the floor in his room and flopped down on the sofa, not switching on any lights or the TV. He just sat there staring into the darkness.

When he heard Phil’s key in the door he closed his eyes. The lights got turned on and he heard a surprised “oh!” when Phil saw him sitting on the sofa. Dan opened his eyes, blinking against the bright light that filled the room, and looked Phil’s tall frame standing in the doorway, smiling at him excitedly.

“So how was your weekend?” he asked Dan, his voice happy, but with a nervous edge that betrayed how he really felt.

Dan said nothing, just looked at Phil with an empty face that mirrored the empty feeling in his heart.

Phil’s smile faltered. And he knew. They both knew.

They had reached the end of danandphil.


End file.
